HUMOR: 13 Driving Rules That Texas (Or Any Other State) Needs To Know If You’re Heading To California

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This is the very definition of insanity.

There are few reasons why I ever want to venture very far from the comforts of the Texas border, however my kids convinced me to take them to Disney Land in California last year, so after much begging and screaming on their parts, I gave in. I found California roads to be treacherous, but once I figured out these 13 rules, I did pretty good for myself.

Now, to be clear, you won’t find me back in the land of fruity liberals and nuts again willingly, but if you MUST make the trip, this guide will make it a bit easier for you.

Here it is:

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals will give away your next move. You never want to do that. Instead, follow the instructions below:

* If you intend to make a right turn, use the left signal.

* If you intend to make a left turn, use the right signal.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. Tailgating is a “must” to all Californians.

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5. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”

6. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

7. If you feel you must use your directionals, make sure they blink only once, then turn them off.

8. Signal only after you change lanes.

9. When driving straight, make sure that at least one directional is blinking at all times. This keeps the drivers behind you on their toes.

10. Signal as you approach a curve in the road.

11. When approaching an intersection, signal to turn and slow down. When other drivers or pedestrians cross in front of you, turn off the signal and go straight.

12. When you intend to make a turn, start signaling approximately 6-8 blocks before your turn. Slow down for each block as you approach them.

13. When making a left turn at a busy red light, wait for the light to turn green before you turn on your signal.

I’m sure this isn’t all of the rules, but once I mastered them I felt a little bit safer.

Safe travels my fellow Texans, come home quick!

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