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Husbands, you can learn a lot from this list.

  • Learn to work the toilet seat. If you’ve managed to lift it up, gravity is on your side when it comes to putting it back down.
  • Sometimes, we are not thinking about having sex.
  • “I ate it, didn’t I?” is not considered praise.
  • Your responsibility for raising children does NOT end at conception.
  • You’re losing your hair — face it.
  • An order of takeout ribs and a Chris Farley movie is not everybody’s idea of a good time.
  • “Yeah yeah, you look fine” is not a compliment.
  • Yes, I DO tell my best friend everything.
  • You have enough ballcaps.
  • You have too many tshirts.
  • You’re too old to wear a goatee.
  • Every actor we find attractive is not gay. You can stop using this one — we’ve all heard it.
  • A hug is not always a prelude to sex.
  • When we ask “are you listening,” we already know you’re not.
  • Your best friend is an idiot
  • Nothing says “I love you” like offering to go to the grocery store.
  • If you can rebuild the carburetor on a ’66 Mustang, working the washing machine should be a snap.
  • Yes and no are sometimes acceptable answers — grunts and blank stares are not.
  • A sore back that prevents you from doing household chores for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  • Underwear is like a car. After five years, it needs to be replaced with a newer model.
  • A romantic weekend getaway does not involve baiting a hook.
  • Slapping me on the butt and saying “how bout getting me a cold one” is not considered foreplay.

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