NOLAN RYAN 1947-2016

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Nolan Ryan passed away last night in his sleep.

Due to a paperwork mixup between Heaven and Hell he somehow got sent to Hell. Lucifer was there waiting for him and said “I’m surprised to see you here, Nolan!” nolan-ryan-046b761f543dbbeb

In his familiar Texas Twang, Nolan replied that he’d accept his fate as long as he could see Texas. “Like the Apostle Paul, I’m always content with where I am.”

This was a first for the Devil. Most every newcomer to Hell was overcome by the heat, but not Nolan. He told the pitcher, “I’ll make you a deal. If I can’t make you miserable in three days then I’ll send you on up to heaven.”

Nolan, figuring he didn’t have much to lose, agreed.

The next morning, Lucifer checks the thermostat and sees that it’s 100 degrees and about 80% humidity. Nolan Ryan is teaching some old-timers the rules of baseball – and he’s got a big smile on his face. SoSatan goes over to him and asks why he’s so happy. Nolan says, “It’s really comfortable today. The temperature is just like Dallas in June.”

 The devil isn’t happy with the his answer and decides to fix him. The second morning he goes over and turns up the  thermostat to 120 degrees and the humidity to 90%. After turning everything up he goes looking for Ryan. He finds him standing around unbuttoning his shirt, just as happy as can be. The devil quizzes him again as to why he’s so happy. 

“This is even better. It’s like Houston in July.”

The devil, now really upset, decides to make the Texan really understand that hell is no paradise. On the third morning he walks over to the controls and turns the heat up to 140 degrees and the humidity to 100%. “Now let’s see what Nolan Ryan is up to,” he thinks. So he goes looking for the legend. The devil finds him taking his shirt off basking in the heat, even happier than before. The devil can’t figure it out. He asks Nolan why he’s happy now.

“This is great, it’s just like Brownsville in August.”

The devil says, “That’s it, I’ll get this guy.” He immediately walks over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees below zero. “Now let’s see what he has to say about this,” the devil thinks to himself. He looks around and finds the Nolan Ryan jumping up and down for joy. “What are you so happy about now,” asks the devil.

Still excited, the he replies, “The Rangers have finally won the World Series!”

(Yes, this is a joke. Mr Ryan is alive and well as far as we know and we hope he’s got many more years ahead of him. But please don’t ruin it. Go on and repost on your walls and feeds!)

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